Sunday, December 11, 2005
confession
I shall sit down with locusts not lambs
I shall thirst after a fleeting gold thread embroidered purple
vestment hem's
skirting
I shall eat desert dirt in mouthfuls of bleeding profanities
I shall not be capable enough even to borrow
camelhair
covering
I shall be unable to heed anything comforting
I shall blame my own family. Turn away tomorrow,
much as I did yesterday, empty
handed
I shall leave behind the angry, faulty, empty, paltry, anxious,
haughty, wicked, crazy, ragged, filthy, haggard, normal borderliners
I shall become mesmerized by ordered
scripture
I shall watch the institution join its dots
I shall spot its hallowed reputation unfaltering; follow
its difficult daily itinerary rantings
I shall list glory, history, sculpture, painting, fabled places, grace
and cake and wine and lace and self-congratulatory smiling faces
blessings mitres chrism sacramental industrial sized disgraces and
bare upon vultured rock
without water or flock
alone, hidden, hide
not head but
soul
I shall be thrown not to the lions' den but as of old
I shall trust no one again and again
I shall not be saved, I shall be found, holed up in the devil's
lair
I shall sit down hungry with locusts
I am in despair
I shall sit down with locusts not lambs
I shall thirst after a fleeting gold thread embroidered purple
vestment hem's
skirting
I shall eat desert dirt in mouthfuls of bleeding profanities
I shall not be capable enough even to borrow
camelhair
covering
I shall be unable to heed anything comforting
I shall blame my own family. Turn away tomorrow,
much as I did yesterday, empty
handed
I shall leave behind the angry, faulty, empty, paltry, anxious,
haughty, wicked, crazy, ragged, filthy, haggard, normal borderliners
I shall become mesmerized by ordered
scripture
I shall watch the institution join its dots
I shall spot its hallowed reputation unfaltering; follow
its difficult daily itinerary rantings
I shall list glory, history, sculpture, painting, fabled places, grace
and cake and wine and lace and self-congratulatory smiling faces
blessings mitres chrism sacramental industrial sized disgraces and
bare upon vultured rock
without water or flock
alone, hidden, hide
not head but
soul
I shall be thrown not to the lions' den but as of old
I shall trust no one again and again
I shall not be saved, I shall be found, holed up in the devil's
lair
I shall sit down hungry with locusts
I am in despair
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